Me: Law office.
Woman: I need a lawyer!
Me: [Why is she yelling?]
Woman: I tripped and I fell and I need a lawyer!
Me: [She’s still yelling…this is going to be real nice to the headache I have] Ma’am tell me about your fall…
Woman: I was walking to the hospital and I TRIPPED. AND I FELL. AND I BROKE MY HIP.
Me: What caused you to fall?
Woman: I don’t know. I TRIPPED AND FELL.
Me: And you broke your hip.
Woman: I BROKE MY HIP
Me: Did you trip over a hole in the sidewalk? Was it wet? What caused you to fall?
Woman: I don’t know what I tripped over. But I BROKE MY HIP!
Me: I’m sorry ma’am the law doesn’t protect [Don’t say clutz, don’t say clutz] clutziness
Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Me: Just because you have an accident doesn’t mean that you get [Don’t say blank check, don’t say blank check] Carte Blanche to pay for your injury. [I’m so clever]
Woman: But why NOT?!?
Me: That’s the way it is ma’am
Woman: This is bullSHIT! I broke my HIP, I SHOULD GET PAID!
Me: There really isn’t much I can do for you.
Woman: BUT I BROKE MY HIP!
Me: [If I just stay quiet long enough maybe...]
Woman: [...slams the phone...]
Me: [To the phone] I hate people.