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Texting under the influence of litigation

I was on trial about to deliver a closing argument that I had pieced together from the glorious gifts that my opponent had unwittingly dropped in front of me. [Think of me as the attorney walking behind the horse with the shovel...] Unlike most sacrificial attorneys about to be dealt a resounding defeat, I wasn’t in the mood for being serious so I was friendly with opposing counsel, I made nice with the witnesses and I was cracking [bad] jokes with the judge.

Pro tip: Always respond to the judge with “Whatever you wish, your worshipfulness?”

Like I said, I was about to give closing argument when my phone started to vibrate. As you can imagine, I did the professional thing and promptly ignored it… for two seconds. As my phone was sitting on counsel’s table at the time of the text message’s arrival, I subtly slipped it under the table and promptly responded. “About to give closing argument” and return the phone to it’s rightful place on counsel’s table.

No way the Judge saw that, right?

Least you think of me as an unprofessional cretin that puts personal text messages above the well being of my client, I must fully disclose that shortly after sending that text message, I delivered what could arguably be said was my finest closing ever.

And still lost.

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About thenambypamby

Lawyer in Chicago. I blog, I tweet, I try to stay anonymous.

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