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Phone calls make the day funny

The Client Finds Findlaw, the Attorney Finds a Migraine

I’ve got one client that micromanages his case such that he calls every single day. At least twice. Either he is trying to convince me of the correctness of his position or he is asking me for a loan. These are never personal calls.

Client: I just reviewed the motion and I want to talk about the relevant caselaw that they cited.
Me: Did you become a lawyer since the last time we talked?
Client: Namby, you know that I didn’t. Seriously, they rely totally on the Jones case and I believe that they opens them up to a variety of different arguments. I have found over twenty different cases that deal with the issue in my case. Two of them predate the case that they cite and in theory that…
Me: [Not listening]
Client: …this comes directly from the wise words of the Illinois Supreme Court. There is no way that the justice can be denied especially when they have indirectly admitted liability on the second issue of this case…
Me: [Still not listening]
Client…Finally, I want to direct your attention to the decisions of the Illinois Supreme Court in the Smith case and the non-controlling opinion of the Kentucky Appellate court…
Me: Let me interrupt you right there, I have to actually run to court right now. Just write me a letter with all of this material in it.
Client: I’ll just give you a call later and read you the material when you have more time.
Me: Please don’t.

This call was twenty-five minutes that I will never get back. And I didn’t pay attention to half of what was said.

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About thenambypamby

Lawyer in Chicago. I blog, I tweet, I try to stay anonymous.


7 thoughts on “The Client Finds Findlaw, the Attorney Finds a Migraine

  1. LMAO. My mother is my paralegal, and no one gets past her to talk to me. No one. I have clients just like this, and do you know I have a provision in my contracts that if we have a fundamental disagreement, which includes the client using Findlaw to tell me how to practice law, I can and will drop their case.

    Posted by Samantha | November 3, 2011, 12:46 pm
    • Hysterical. I have to take the MPRE this saturday, after reading your blog I think you need to tutor me, since you seem to have a bit more scruples than I do. Seriously though, this is too funny.

      Posted by Emily | November 3, 2011, 3:02 pm
  2. It’s also 25 minutes you can bill to that client. ;) Cha-ching.

    Posted by Dr. Juris | November 3, 2011, 7:35 pm
  3. Sounds like you have yourself a free intern. You should get them to write you a memo ;)

    …and then bill them for the time

    Posted by Liam | November 4, 2011, 4:09 am
  4. The important question is was it an hourly or contingent client? I’ll let an hourly client research and school me all damn day.

    Posted by Lawyerette (@Snarkyatlaw) | November 4, 2011, 12:18 pm
  5. It is even funnier when visiting a criminal defense client in the jail and they bring with them an expando file FULL of “relevant” case law on exactly why the judge can’t find them guilty. Client: “I got a case here says the cop can’t say what I said cause I used the words ‘I’ ‘want’ and ‘lawyer’ in the same paragraph!” Me: While cases from the Aruban chancellory court are entertaining, they might not be persuasive to a Nevada judge.” Client: “Man, you just working with the prosecutor to get me sent up. I want a new attorney!” Access to the law library is not always a good thing to the legal process.

    Posted by Marq | December 1, 2011, 5:12 pm


  1. Pingback: Legal Humor Roundup for November 3, 2011 | - November 3, 2011

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