Dear Client:
I have enclosed the latest Court order from the recent oral arguments that occurred.
As I have told you repeatedly, sometimes while screaming over your guttural machinations, our case was neither legally nor factually sound. You will also recall that I told you more than once (or at least seven separate times) that the only reason I was handling this matter was that you had somehow bamboozled my partner to take your festering turd of a case.
After nine months of dealing with you on a far too frequent basis, the Court has finally entered an order resolving all issues and dismissing your case.
It is over.
It is dead.
And it is not coming back.
If you wish to continue your Quixotic adventure in the land of justice, please be advised that you have thirty days from today’s date to file a Motion for Reconsideration. We believe that spending any more time and money on this case would be grounds for us, your lawyers, to be involuntarily committed in a facility with a surplus of padded walls. As we’ve no desire to interrupt our busy drinking schedule with a trip to the looney bin, we shall be performing no additional work on this file.
I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul,
Very truly yours,
The Namby Pamby
Attorney at Law
thenambypamby@gmail.com
Enclosure
Sadly, I’ve drafted a letter remarkably similar to this. For a client we had no choice but to take due to their childhood friendship with a partner nobody in the firm liked. Charity cases will get you nowhere, unless said partner has brought IBM or Apple along as a client. I’m just sayin’…
Posted by Grumpy Humbug | January 27, 2012, 8:19 pmMust borrow this for specific clients. . .
Posted by Fort Worth 8L | January 28, 2012, 10:33 amI award YOU points for “bamboozled.” My goal is to use that in a sentence at least once today.
Posted by Aspiring Paralegal | January 28, 2012, 10:41 amIt sounds like this fits well in my concept of a retail establishment called “Get the H__l out of my Store!”
Posted by GDad | January 30, 2012, 8:18 amI love this. A turd is still a turd, no matter how hard you polish it.
Posted by snarkyatlaw | January 30, 2012, 2:32 pm