For this entire phone call I felt oddly like John Cleese when he was making a complaint. Thankfully I wasn’t holding a parrot’s cage the entire time:
Me: I wish to register a complaint!
Customer Service Agent (CSA): Very well, could I have your name then.
Me: My name is Namby It’s not about me, it’s about my client.
CSA: Could I have your client’s name.
Me: John Smith.
CSA: Let me pull up his file…and what’s your relationship to Mr. Smith?
Me: I am his attorney.
CSA: Could you put Mr. Smith on the phone?
Me: He’s not in my office. I am calling on his behalf.
CSA: I’m afraid I can’t discuss his medical treatment with you until there is a signed authorization.
Me: I said I am calling to make a complaint regarding the practice of your company. I am not calling to discuss medical treatment.
CSA: I’m sorry, I can’t take complaints on this line.
Me: I just spoke with his treating doctor and was given your number to make this complaint.
CSA: That was incorrect. It seems there was a misunderstanding from our office when they spoke with you. This number is customer service.
Me: I also spoke to two other offices in your group network and they gave me your number to make complaints.
Me: May I make the complaint now?
CSA: I’m sorry, I do not have the authority to take complaints. I’ll have to have my supervisor call you back.
Instead of making a complaint and hoping they change their practice, I’ll just sue them next time.