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The prodigal blogger returns (with a story!)

The radio silence, I am sure, has been deafening. For the last three plus months, gone are the attempted humorous musings from my daily struggle to be a successful lawyer. The reason? I had to serve a small jail sentence for a misunderstanding with a sheriff’s deputy. Wait. No. That can’t be right. I would have made the ABA Journal or Above the Law as the poster child for lawyers behaving badly.

Back to back to back to back to back jury trials are the reason, specifically the resulting sleep and life deprivation that working 15 hours or more a day for three months straight are the excuse. The lessons from this marathon stretch of litigating are many and the negatives are equally numerous. For instance, I can now say that I have experienced flop sweat in front of a jury (that would be a negative as the suit I was wearing had to be discarded as toxic waste). But despite the sense of impending terror I had while cross-examining a witness who was much smarter than me, understood what she was talking about better than I and could pronounce her chosen career field unlike myself, I was still able to not look like a total fool and helped my case in chief.

To give you an idea of what exactly was going through my head as I was asking questions, picture if you will a lawyer standing before a jury behind a podium. This lawyer has his notes neatly arranged in front of him with records and a deposition transcript neatly tabbed all within reach. The witness is seated on the stand comfortably answering questions while the lawyer asking those questions is gripping the podium so hard that if the jury was looking they could see how white the lawyer’s knuckles were. The remainder of the lawyer’s posture can only be described as statuesque as if treating the witness if she was a T-Rex: only harm comes if she sees me. A leading question would be posed that would only have a yes or no answer possible but as soon as the words finished being spoken, that lawyers inner monologue began shouting internally (which thankfully only the lawyer could hear):

PLEASE OH PLEASE DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS QUESTION BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIGHT BACK OH NO DON’T YOU DO IT NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! AHHHHHHH

By the grace of God, there was no fight back throughout the entire cross-examination. There was no deviation from the planned questions and everything fit together perfectly. When it was all said and done, I was able to sit down feeling like I had stared death in the eye and death had blinked.

Mind you, the feeling of success was only temporary as I had to do it all again the next day and the next day and the day after that.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to and why I haven’t had the time to write. There is only so much free time one has when waking up at 5am, working until 11pm (or later) and starting the process all over again the next day (usually it was from about 5:13 to 5:17 every morning which was after I responded to the emails from the boss and before I had finished my first cup of coffee). I’m hoping that my schedule does not unexpectedly fill up with trials (or tribulations) and I am able to get back to my normal Namby-self writing about the experiences as a (still somewhat new) lawyer.

If nothing else, I’ll just live tweet my next deposition.

140 Characters of Thoughtfulness

My Past Ramblings

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