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All in favor of torturing your clients?

It took three minutes today for me to want to throw something.

That is about the average for when a client decides to pick up their phone and rain on my parade but today was different. It was three minutes into my morning commute to work when I got one of those ‘brain-eats-itself-to-prevent-aneurism-or- homicidal-mania’ emails from a client. The rank stupidity that emanated from those few keystrokes nearly caused me to throw my phone.

I didn’t.

I may have reacted with multiple variables of a certain four letter word that my mom really hates me saying (sorry, Mom). In other words, I was just a typical CTA passenger on his way to work expressing his frustration in a healthy manner. Unfortunately, when stupid begins your workday, it typically follows you around until you confront it head on with the pleasantest of phone calls:

Me: What seems to be the problem?
Client: I don’t like the wording of the contract.
Me: [Silence]
Client: Hello?
Me: [Pounds fist into forehead] What is the problem with the wording?
Client: I need another lawyer to tell me what it means. And the tone is wrong.
Me: [Silence]
Client: Hello???
Me: You and I spent three days going over every single sentence in this document umpteen billion times before we finalized it. This is over. Sign it.
Client: [Silence]
Me: [Silence]
Client: F*ck it.
Me: That’s the spirit.

I firmly believe that any lawyer that opposes waterboarding has never actually dealt with a client. It’s not torture. It can’t be. Because I would rather be waterboarded than have to deal with this asshole again.

140 Characters of Thoughtfulness

  • Minions: Bring me cheezits. And a pillow for a nap. Please and thank you. 12 hours ago
  • When drafting a settlement demand, is it acceptable to slide in the word 'boobie' while asking for five million dollars? I think yes. 12 hours ago
  • All motivation has left me. 99 Minutes until 5pm. 13 hours ago
  • 1:38pm and I've crossed the second thing off my to do list for the day. [Only 14 things more to do...] 14 hours ago
  • As a matter of fact... RT @jgolden3: Being a metermaid must be terrible. Can you imagine spending your whole day ruining the days of others? 19 hours ago
  • Back at @DoRiteDonuts because weight loss is easy. 19 hours ago
  • Officially a faux snow day. 1 day ago
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  • The new poll on @Con_Daily deals with work/life balance. Where is the option for Mo Money/No Work? http://t.co/eTfd9wnC 1 day ago
  • Keyboards love to have Five Hour Energy dumped on them. True story. 1 day ago

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